Coming back as we are
by notagoodplace4gods
Summary: Two years after Wally quits superheroing, he comes back for one last mission.


**A/N:** Okay, so Naiadique asked me to write something with "you came back" for the 'send me a sentence and I'll write you a fic' thing I was doing on tumblr. I knew I could write a 'wally comes back after endgame and everyone's happy, yay' fic and that it was the kind of thing everyone would love to read about, but the thing was... I just didn't want to write it. I wanted ANGST and pain because I'm a horrible person, okay, I'm sorry. Please don't hate me that much.

 **xxx**

It starts slowly, so slowly that he doesn't realize it's happening until he's curled up on his bathroom floor having a panic attack because his hands are vibrating so hard they've disappeared. He's just come back from a mission and he's still shaking from excitement, but unlike all the other times it happened, the shaking gets worse. That's when he decides to lock himself in the bathroom. It feels like he's been there forever and the outlines of his hands are still there, but his skin has gone transparent and he can see right through it, he can see the ground benneath it, and he stares at it, at what's left of his hands and his eyes start to water, but he refuses to blink, because what if there's nothing left when he re-opens his eyes? He can't take the risk.

And there isn't anything he can do to reverse it, he can't stop the vibration or even slow it down no matter how hard he tries. He tries to remember all the exercises Barry and Jay taught him about controlling his speed, but nothing seems to work. The whole experience's so terrfying, he can't even focus on how to breath.

He tries taking deep, even breaths, but fear is overwhelming and overpowering him, choking him, like an invisible hand wrapped against his neck. He can't fight it, he can't break free because his own body isn't responding to his commands. He's Kid Flash, he's partner to the Flash, founding member of Young Justice and his own superhero, and he's completely and utterly useless. After all he's done, after putting bad supervillains in jail and saving the world once or twice, that is how he is going to die, alone and crying in his own bathroom floor; he's going to disappear, and no one will ever know what happened to him.

He thinks about the MIA warning that'll appear on his hero file from this day on, he thinks about uncle Barry running lap after lap around the world in a desperate attempt to find him, he thinks about aunt Iris crying and the team attending his funeral because, even if there was no body to be found, they couldn't keep looking forever. He thinks about Dick and the tears fall from his eyes. Dick would never give up, he would refuse to move on without a body to bury, and he would keep searching relentlessly, he'd spend night after night awake, reading and rereading people's reports on his disappearance and growing insane because people don't disappear into thin air, they just don't. But that's what's hapenning _right now_ and Wally's too weak to stop it. He's weak and pathetic and his loved ones will pay for it.

The vibrating gets harder, but with some newfound determination, Wally decides he can't do it. He can't do it to any of them, he won't, so he fights against it. Desperately trying to regain his strength, he lets his mind wander back to moments he spent with family and friends. He goes back to last christmas with his family, when uncle Barry dressed up like Santa Klaus, and aunt Iris pulled his fake beard away, before kissing him, back to new year's eve in the Watchtower just after they've saved the world, and then way back to that first mission when they've rescued superboy from Cadmus, he thinks about meeting Kaldur, Roy and Robin for the first time, he thinks about meeting _Dick_ for the first time.

Then it stops. It's as quick as it had begun and Wally lets out a sob when he sees both his hands are still there. He slowly gets up from the floor and touches everything he can find, just to make sure they're real and working, but only when he sees himself in the mirror, he lets himself believe that it is okay. That he is okay.

Except he really isn't. Barry had never talked about something remotely like this happening to him, and neither did Jay, or Max or Johnny Quick. Wally's the first speedster to have ever experienced going so fast he almost disappeared and it probably means that there's something really wrong with him.

He's scared and confused because if there's something wrong with him, than it's probably due to the flash experiment he replicated when he was twelve. He must have gotten the chemistry wrong somehow and now he's dying because of it.

The realization leaves him teary-eyed because he was so happy when he woke up in a hospital bed and realized everything around him seemed to be moving really slow, he was over the moon when uncle Barry finally gave in and allowed him to became his sidekick. Becoming Kid Flash was the best thing that had happened to him and he loved every minute of it, but the good memories turn bitter and sad and horrible because now he knows it's come with a price. He got lucky this time, but he's sure he won't be able to escape it next time.

He knows he can never run again.

xxx

Two years after he quit the team and superheroing altogether, Kaldur calls him. Kaldur calls him in his new house phone and, for a moment there, Wally thinks it's a casual call and his mind races to find an excuse. Then, the Atlatean tells him Nightwing's missing. He says Dick went undercover in Bluedhaven and everything was going great until he stopped checking in. It's been ten days and Wally yells at him because why would they wait so much before planning a rescue party? Ten days is too long, ten days is enough time to capture him, torture him, murder him, throw his body into the ocean and have tea after.

"Nightwing warned us that he may have to drop comunications for a while, so we had no reason to believe he was in trouble, at first. Then they've sent us a message using his communicator."

Wally doesn't ask to see the message, he doesn't ask if there's pictures or even a video footage attached because pictures and videos are always bad in this kind of situation and he doesn't think he can handle it.

"Where?" He asks, instead and Kaldur gives him the coordinates.

"We're on our way in the bioship, but it might take us a few hours to get there and..." He doesn't finish his sentence, but Wally knows what he means. After what happened with Jason and Tula, Kaldur knows what's like to be late. Every minute counts and Wally's the only speedster avaiable. Flash's in a league mission and Bart's home nursing a broken leg.

"I'm on it. And Kaldur... I'm... I'm sorry." He hangs up the phone before Kaldur can ask what he's sorry for and that's probably for the best because he doesn't know how he can even start to explain; he's sorry for freaking out and yelling when the leader called, he's sorry for lying to them about the reason he's left the team, he's sorry for pushing them away and he's sorry for making Kaldur go throught losing a teammate yet again, but he hopes the Atlatean will understand.

He doesn't botter putting the uniform on, - he doesn't know if still fits him, - he just takes the goggles and runs. He runs as fast as he can, no, he runs faster than he can because every second counts. He runs through cities and forest and green fields, he runs so fast he thinks he'll never be able to slow down, but then he finds and enters the warehouse; he spots Dick the moment he enters, he's chained to the wall, beaten and bruised, his arm twisted in a way it shouldn't be possible, and the whole world stops.

He can feel sparks of eletricity running through his body, and, to be completely honest, it feels _amazing._ Never in his life he felt so much power and he knows it's only going to last for a second before it turns into nothing and he starts disappearing, but he's a speedster and to him the second lasts forever.

Then people start yelling at him.

"Where did he come from?!"

"Doesn't matter, subdue him!"

He can see the bad guys moving around him but everything's still so _slow._ He punches the first guy in the face before he can even take a step in his direction. He kicks the other in the gut and throws the third one against a wall. He goes to the one holding a gun and disarms him before he can pull the trigger. He grabs him and spins him around, throwing him on top of the guy who seems to be going for the gun on the floor. After he's done with the five other guys, he runs around the warehouse to make sure there aren't any other threats. He finds a bomb and the timer's marking ten minutes, but it's not armed yet.

He did good. If he hadn't come, they would have activated it, ran away in their getaway cars, and left Dick to explode. Kaldur and the team would have been too late. Wally walks back to where Nightwing is, kneels beside his friend and touches his shoulder, fighting against the inhuman urge to keep running.

"Dick?" He calls out and doesn't recognize his own voice, it sounds far away.

He feels Dick stir and then blue eyes are looking at him in relief and happiness;

"Wally? Wally! You came back." Dick's hands go to his face and Wally lets out a sob. Wally's made it on time so Dick's alive, he's okay, and it was worth it.

"I came back for you." Wally wishes he could say more. He wants to tell Dick not to worry because the team's coming, he wants to tell Dick he's not back to the team, that he can never be really back because he's dying and _"Oh god, I'm so sorry I never told you there's so many things I never told you and nowistoolateandyouwillneverknowand"_

"Hey, slow down, you're not making any sense." Dick's face goes from relieved to confused when Wally's hand phase through his handcuffs, making them open and fall to the floor. "Wally, when did you..." And then to worried. "You're vibrating way too fast, you need to stop."

Wally looks down to his hands and sees Dick's holding them, but he doesn't feel the touch, he doesn't feel Dick's hands in his.

Dick's voice grows desperate and scared and he was never supposed to sound like this, so Wally tries to tell him it's okay. He tries to say it, but no sound comes out of his mouth. He blinks once and he's not even in the warehouse anymore, there are trees, a small stream running next to him, flowers and birds singing and it's beautiful. Then he blinks again and Dick's in front of him, shaking and crying and he's also beautiful so Wally's torn. He hears Dick's voice, but the speed's also calling him and it's way louder.

He doesn't fight it this time, he's ready for it. He vibrates harder and Dick's hands go right through his body.

He takes one last look at Dick, at his best friend, the person he loves the most in the world and he's leaving behind, and realizes he's okay with it.

"I came back because I love you." He says, in lieu of goodbye, but doesn't know if Dick even heard him. He can feel himself fading more and more and soon there won't be anything left of him in this world, but he's okay with it. He's okay because Dick's okay and that's all that matters.

He fades away.

xxx

Dick would have never believed what just happened if it hadn't happened right before his eyes. Wally was there, Wally was finally, finally back, and then, in the time it took for him to blink, Wally was gone. He simply disappeared and no matter how loud he called out for his friend, he wouldn't return.

The team arrived some time later and they all searched for him together. They alerted Flash as soon as he came back to earth at the entire league joined the search.

The funeral takes place two months from then. They bury an empty box because there's no body. Dick's the only superhero who doesn't attend.

He sits next to his computer and re-reads every report on Wally's disappearance there is, including his own because there may be something he missed or something that will jog his memory, anything. A new day's dawning and he's yet to go to sleep, but he refuses to. Everytime he closes his eyes, he sees it, he sees Wally, shaking so hard he's falling apart. Everytime he closes his eyes, he hears him.

 _"I came back for you."_

All this time he's been angry at Wally _I feel naked in civies_ West for leaving the team with no reasonably explanation, he was angry at Wally for lying to him, for keeping a secret and not trusting him enough to tell him the real reason because he knew that the _I need to focus on college_ excuse was bullshit. One year went by and Dick was still angry at him, he was angry because maybe Wally did quit for college, with no ulterior motives, because maybe the person he cared about most in the whole world didn't care about him at all. Another year came and went and Dick started being angry at himself for letting Wally go so easy, for not fighting him and making him stay, but he never did anything about it; he just waited, and hoped. He waited for Wally to go back to the team, to go back to him.

He waited for them to magically go back to the start, when they saw each other everyday, when they were excited to see each other, when it was _easy,_ and they were happy.

And Wally did go back, but not in the way Dick wanted. Wally came back and he disappeared right into thin air, the next minute. Maybe he knew it was a risk, he knew that would happen if he ran again, maybe he quit the team because he was terrified of it, but then he didn't even think twice about running again to save Dick. Kaldur had reported his last talk with KF, and Dick had read the transcription a thousand times; Wally didn't even hesitate.

Wally sacrificed himself for his best friend, after two years of not talking to him, and Dick is angry. Dick focuses on being angry.

 _"I came back because I love you."_

He still thinks he may have imagined these words and there's a very good chance he did because Wally wasn't even there anymore when he heard them. But maybe he didn't and Dick can't stop now, he won't stop, not until he finds Wally, not until he brings Wally home and says it back to him.


End file.
